


A Grave Mistake

by dreamingwithoutyou



Category: Gintama
Genre: HijiGin, Kidnapping, M/M, Major spoiler for Gintama ending, Memory Loss, Please beware of it, Rating May Change, So if you aren't caught up with the manga, Unrequited Love, more tags to be added later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-05-16 00:30:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19306981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamingwithoutyou/pseuds/dreamingwithoutyou
Summary: It was too late.Now that person was standing there, and his red eyes bored into him with the intention to kill.It was all for a single grave mistake.





	1. We can't kiss the past goodbye

Cheap alcohol was swept into his body's bloodstream, accompanied by warmth which slowly began to creep into his senses. Tonight simply wasn't the best chapter in the silver haired man's life. He felt like having himself drowned into the dry sea, didn't even know whether the oasis would show its nose when he needed it the most, even just for a second. No one could also drop the little support he craved -  at least it could help bringing him anchored.

 

Pathetic.

 

He didn't like this feeling. At all.

 

Gintoki didn't want to cry over his always-unfortunate-life. He just didn't expect that  _ that thing _ would end in the worst scenario possible. Dry blood that crunched at the tips of his fingers stood there as witnesses. Teasing the drunk man with the commemoration of the event that was imprinted to the very corner of his brain.

 

It hurt to get your heart broken, and he meant it.

 

-

 

_ The blade of the sword trembled in his grasp, as if the owner was suddenly attacked by a sudden enormous doubts. The anger radiating from the raven haired man dissolved into thin air, just like a drop of rain on ebullient lava. _

 

_ But it was too late. _

 

_ Gintoki didn't even feel a sting of pain in his now-bleeding palm. Even though the blade of the sword was now stabbing the inside of his knuckles. Even though the wound had breached his pale skin wide open. _

 

_ He just stared at those blue eyes with a face that he hoped wouldn't look disturbed. After all, he understood why Toshirou reacted like this - unsheathing his sword and almost slashing the perm head in front of him. Gintoki didn't even try to fight back. He only stopped the sword with his bare hands while standing there motionless. _

 

_ Gintoki understood where all this anger came from. _

 

_ The blood thread converged onto few large droplets, smearing the ground he was currently standing on with red dots. _

 

_ Gintoki didn't feel pain at all. _

 

_ Or truth to be told, the pain wasn't in this damned wound. It was deep inside his heart. But he smiled anyway. _

 

-

 

"Eh, you coming again?"

 

The man nodded.

 

"I'm waiting for the continuation of your story, Sakata-san."

 

"Oh-," Gintoki watched as the newcomer sat right next to him. A young man. The guy looked like someone who was only a quarter century old. He had a lean figure and pale skin that could rival Gin's own. He wore the same clothes as the previous day when Gintoki had seen him: A dark blue kimono that always reminded the silver haired man of a certain bastard with V-shaped bangs. The difference was, today his shoulder-length black hair was tied into a short ponytail. He also didn't wear his leather gloves. His dark eyes looked the same as Gintoki remembered, but his thin lips were still not cracking even a slightest smile.

 

"You look a bit different today, Amano Ryoga-kun."

 

"And you look tipsier than usual, Sakata Gintoki-san," the man - Ryoga - answered softly. His handsome face calmly watched the perm head who only shrugged. He raised an eyebrow at Gintoki's reaction.

 

"Not good news, I guess?"

 

"Bingo", Gintoki answered briefly. He grabbed the glass of his alcohol, that strangely was filled to the brim again without him even noticing. Maybe Ryoga had asked the bartender to refill his drink when he wasn't looking. Whatever. Not that he minded. 

 

"He rejected me. Crudely, if you ask."

 

"No way. From what you told me, he-"

 

"You put the expectation too high, buddy. That guy reacted far crazier than I thought," said Gintoki, chuckling. He watched the ice blocks dancing slowly in his glass, and he added. "He almost slashed me by the way. You see the blood in my right hand? I had to stop his sword from slashing me, empty-handed. That guy has anger issues, I'm pretty sure of it."

 

Ryoga just stared at the silver-haired man in silence. Gintoki put down his glass (which hadn't even touched his lips) and bury his frantic face in his bandaged right palm.

 

"Be honest with me, do I look pathetic?"

 

"Not at all."

 

"I can't show my face to Kagura and Shinpachi. Not like this."

 

"You're safe here."

 

Gintoki threw a small smile to the young man sitting next to him.

 

"You know, I might not be in a shape as bad as this if he hadn't said  _ that _ when he rejected me."

 

"Do you want to talk about it?"

 

Gintoki paused for a second to contemplate. Since the first time he met Ryoga two weeks ago at this bar (that was quite far from the center of Edo), the young man had never once reacted badly to whatever story that came out of Gintoki's lips.

 

Gin knew Ryoga wouldn't judge him.

  
  


-

  
  


_ Takasugi never confessed his true feelings. _

 

_ Even when he died. _

 

_ Gintoki didn't want to be sad. He knew from the very beginning that the attractions both of them once had wouldn't meet a happy ending. He had thrown the feelings deep into the ditch even far before the war ten years ago had ended. Their story was over before it was ready to begin. _

 

_ But who would have guessed that Takasugi chose to die in the silver haired man's arms instead. Smiling as if it was the last thing he wanted the most at the end of his life. Taking a part of Gintoki's heart away with him.  _

 

_ (Wait for me in hell, Takasugi.) _

 

_ Gintoki cried. The memories that they once shared together swamped him in great sadness. Gintoki realized that the man dying in his arms still kept his feeling to him. Although, of course Takasugi knew that the heart of the silver haired samurai was now completely owned by someone else.  _

 

_ Another man who would never want Gintoki as much as Takasugi wanted him. The same person who also broke Gintoki's heart into thousands of pieces. Trampling it into dust. Throwing it into a place million light years away. _

 

_ But nobody told Gintoki to fall in love again. To someone that was far too different with him on top of that - who had obviously never found anything in him worth liking.  _

 

_ So it was clearly Gintoki's fault.  _

 

_ (He also didn't understand why he always had a thing with someone that he considered as rival. He was a sadist, dammit. Stop behaving like masochist, you dumbhead!) _

 

_ And he was right.  _

 

_ At that time of rejection, Gintoki could hear every hiss of hatred spitting out from the lips of the object of his affection very clearly. It would be a total lie if he said the words escaping the nicotine freak's mouth wouldn't leave him devastated. But honestly? He couldn't do anything. He couldn't do any single damn thing besides smiling.  _

 

_ Smile. Because that was the only way he knew to cope with all these shits happened in his life. Almost getting killed? Smile. Being rejected? Also fucking smile. _

 

_ Maybe at that time, Takasugi was really laughing at him from hell. _

  
  


\---

  
  
  


"That man doesn't deserve you."

 

"Indeed", Gintoki slurred, laughing even louder now. "Gin-san is too handsome for that stupid Mayora!"

 

"I'm serious, Sakata-san."

 

Gintoki stopped his laughter.

 

(Because jokes on him, he was only making a fool of himself)

 

"I won't wallow in sadness just because he rejects me, Amano-kun", Gintoki put on his slanted smile again. Ah. This was bad. When he was drunk he would become more talkative than usual. But the presence of the handsome young man next to him was an opportunity he rarely got. Someone who was ready to hear all of his nonsenses just because they were thirsty for an intrigue. For a petty drama. Not because they gave any real shit about him.

 

(Gintoki was well aware of how much love he always received from the people around him. And he never felt more grateful. But this moment was one of those when he would prefer to bear everything alone. Without the attention of the people who genuinely cared about him.)

 

The samurai's red eyes narrowed slightly. He sighed shortly before continued.

 

"-I already knew he didn't have any feelings for me. And I understand. That doesn't matter to me, it's just ..."

 

"-just what?"

 

"-just, when he threw that last sentence at me, I never thought those words would hurt me so bad, you know? And I feel like an idiot. Maybe I'm too sensitive because it reminds me of that jerk who just died on me without asking for my consent. So maybe that? But really, I don't know if I can show my face in front of him again after this. I want to hate that tax thief bastard. But I can't. Ah damn. This really kills me. My brain isn't big enough to stuff all these bad memories... ", Gintoki ruffled his own already messy hair. He again grabbed his glass of alcohol, before he realized that the ice inside his drink had already melted.

 

Gintoki sighed. This drink would taste as bad as his current mood then.

 

"Those bad memories ...", Ryoga muttered hesitantly, but he then continued, "... do you think it would be much better if you could forget the bad memories that haunted your life? Then maybe you can free yourself from that burden?"

 

Ryoga half expected Gintoki to nod and approve his statement. But much to his surprise, the silver-haired man only laughed and shook his head instead.

 

"Memory is the thing that creates one's personality", Gintoki wore the small smile back on his face, stared at Ryoga briefly, before returning his attention to the glass in front of him - as if the glass was the object that should be blamed for the problem he was facing. "Even though it's painful some time, I will never want to lose these memories. Because that's what has brought me to this point. Without the memory I have, I'm no longer the same person."

 

(Even though he had to watch the same traumatic footage over and over again. Even though Toshirou's face and his painful words had to play like a broken record in his brain. Even though Takasugi's smile before dying became the ghost in all of his nightmare.)

 

Gintoki held back tears that threatened to fall on his face. He chugged down the alcohol which had now mixed with the odd taste of melted ice in two big gulps. He let the liquid burn in his throat.

 

The young man next to him only sealed his lips. His face was adorned with a little display of sadness now. Even though it looked very faint in his black eyes that were too dark they didn't even reflect light.

 

"Sakata-san", said Ryoga while lifting his hand, like he wanted to reach Gintoki. But he stopped just a second before his long fingers could touch Gintoki's silver hair.

 

"Sakata-san, I'm sorry."

 

"Why do you have to apologi-"

 

Gintoki stopped. The glass he had been holding, suddenly fell and collided with the floor with a loud crash. His hands were shaking violently. And he sweat pins and needles. 

 

In a blink of an eye he then realized that the strange flavor that he tasted in his drink wasn't just the odd taste of melting ice mixed with the carbonation of alcohol. That taste. It was a bit familiar for him- 

 

"You-" Gintoki felt his whole body slowly started to lose its energy. His vision blurred. His senses were paralyzed one by one.

 

Gintoki could only see a glimpse of the young man's face who still didn't appear to show any kind of expression. He vaguely heard the thin lips uttered something that he couldn't make out.

 

Gintoki felt himself falling to the waiting arms of the young man - and everything turned black.

  
  


 

 

 

 

\---to be continued


	2. Maybe now I'm lost, I can live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On that day everyone finally realized that what happened was probably a lot worse than they had expected.

_ Cause I carry ghosts of the things you've said _

_ But you won't come home even if you're dead _

_ Night after night, sleepless in Phoenix _

_ Tell me a lie, make me believe it _

_ You've got me right where you haunt me _

 

_ Sleepless in Phoenix - Blessthefall _

  
  
  


_ \------- _

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ The nightmare was back to haunt Toshirou. _

 

_ The ugly monster twisted its head. It preyed upon him. Leaving no breath on the black-haired man. _

 

_ The ugly monster stared straight back at him. Showing its collection of disgusting slimy sharp teeth that brought nausea to Toshirou's stomach. They promised ferocious tear; blood and flesh stuck to the walls of its gums and teeth. _

 

_ The ugly monster showed its face. Two familiar blue eyes. Straight black hair adorned its head. Only then did he realize that the monster resembled himself. _

 

_ Toshirou felt his body stiffened. He closed his eyes. It was impossible for him to win. He could only wait until the monster tore him apart. _

 

_ He would be deceased soon. _

 

_ But instead of attacking him, the creature then cracked. It disintegrated into thousands of drops that caused the blood-red river he was standing on to wash ashore - strands of stranded silver hairs were brought to him like a sad remembrance.  _

 

_ Someone was waiting for him at the end of this river. _

 

_ Toshirou could see it even though he refused to step closer. The figure still wore the same smile. _

 

_ The person was waiting for him, he still got that similar string of sentences waiting to be revealed. _

 

_ Toshirou hated it. _

 

_ He didn't want this. _

 

_ "You know, Hijikata-kun ..." _

 

_ No. He didn't want to hear that anymore. Stop it. STOP. _

 

_ "In this world, you are..." _

 

_ PLEASE. Make this jerk stop. Don't let him speak any further! He wanted to forget this! This wasn't what Toshirou wanted! _

 

_ He never meant that. Not this. Never like this! He only... _

  
  
  


"TOSSHIII!"

 

"Hijikata-san, you must wake up!"

 

And his eyes were immediately snapped open. His vision was attacked by the source of a blinding light until he couldn't make out what exactly had woken him up. He then realized he was heavily perspired. Sweat excreted through his skin like it was raining. He was okay. None of the dreams was true.

 

That disturbing dream was over. He could now breathe freely.

 

"Thank God you finally wake up. I almost stabbed you with a knife to make sure you weren't dead."

 

_ Eh? Sougo's voice? _

 

Why was that sadist in his room?

 

"You can't do that, asshole! We need him alive to answer our question!"

 

The high-pitched voice sounded too familiar. Ah right, that was China's. She was one of Gintoki's kids who always argued with Sougo in every chance they encountered if they accidentally collided with each other on the street.

 

Wait. What was China girl doing in Toshirou's room again?

 

"Kagura-chan! Okita-san! We're here because there are important things we have to ask! I hope you two would stop fighting!"

 

Okay. This was weird. He just realized that glasses also seemed to be now in the safe confines of his beloved room. This could be considered as privacy breaches. Toshirou tried to focus his eyes which were still a bit blurry. And he could now clearly see four silhouettes of uninvited guests who were debating in the haven that was supposed to be his bedroom.

 

The China girl, the glasses, Sougo and also his respected commander, Kondou.

 

The raven-haired man checked the alarm clock which was lying near his pillow. It was still three o'clock in the morning. Toshirou was stunned. He was clearly in his room, and he wasn't dreaming either. Then what--?

 

"What are you guys doing here?!" Toshirou cried, and instantly the four pairs of eyes focused their attention on the black-haired man, leaving the heated discourse they were currently having a second ago.

 

Toshirou had already prepared to embrace any kind of shouting, chaos or excessive reaction that would usually follow when these four people were in the same scene. But beyond his expectations, Kondou only patted glasses' shoulder softly, and China signaled the young man to approach Toshirou who was now merely displaying a disconcerted look. Sougo just tightened his mouth while fixing his sitting position, and a bit out of his usually stoic demeanor, the sadistic young man even looked a little bit nervous.

 

They suddenly wore a very serious expression on their faces. And Toshirou didn't understand what happened.

 

(Chaos fit these people far better)

 

"Hey, why are you guys putting up faces like that? What's wrong?"

 

"Hijikata-san. When was the last time you talked to Gin-san?" Shinpachi interrupted with furrowed eyebrows - not necessarily spending time to beat around the bush. Toshirou felt that his heart had stopped for a split second when the unexpected sentence slid from Shinpachi's lips.

 

Was this about Gintoki? It couldn't be that, right?

 

Toshirou decided not to immediately answer the question. He tried to observe the face of the young man in front of him beforehand. Shinpachi was giving him a solemn look. He looked a bit tense even, but Toshirou was able to catch another expression that now decorated the face of the bespectacled young man...

 

It was like… worry?

 

"Uh- about a week ago?" Toshirou felt uncomfortable when he realized that the four pairs of eyes were still holding their gazes on him as if they were studying each of the movements he made. "What happened? "

 

"Gin-chan hasn't returned home since six days ago," Kagura answered plainly. Toshirou felt like there was something heavy hit his chest all of sudden. A feeling that was familiar to him. It was guilt. He knew it a little too much.

 

No. This wouldn't have anything to do with Toshirou. Or… was it?

 

Toshirou tried to calm himself down. After he collected himself, he then managed to bring himself to talk again.

 

"--but didn't he always pull this kind of stunt? Suddenly disappeared for a few weeks before going home drunk and broke? I don't think you need to be this worried-", Toshirou felt his voice trembled as he tried to convince the two youngsters who were now looking at him with a glare. Although he wasn't sure whom he was trying to reassure: The two teenagers who sincerely cared about Gintoki - or maybe it was Toshirou himself.

 

"Not since the last war ended, Mayora," Kagura snorted. "Gin-chan had promised that he wouldn't run off anywhere again after we reformed Yorozuya. He even accepted the cellphone that Otose-granny bought for him, even though he always hated to have one, so he could immediately contact us if something happened..."

 

Kagura momentarily stopped her explanation. Toshirou saw the girl's hand clutched on the fabric of her clothes, and in a hoarser voice she then continued. "Six days ago just before Gin-chan left, he promised to buy me five sukonbu packs as my birthday gift which fell exactly the next day. But he never returned home. I tried calling his cellphone, but it didn't connect..."

 

Toshirou didn't know what to do when he saw Shinpachi gently stroking the back of the teenage girl next to him. He understood that the two young people were now very worried. But... what was their reason to break into his room at three o'clock in the morning? And what in the hell was that damn perm head doing?

 

(It was impossible for them to know about the conflict between him and Gintoki during  _ that _ night, right? No. Gintoki wasn't that kind of fragile person... He wouldn't make these people worry just for that kind of  _ trivial _ matter...)

 

"I know you might be wondering why we woke you up to this early, Tosshi," Toshirou sometimes forgot about how well Kondou was in knowing him. The commander even answered questions that Toshirou hadn't uttered aloud. "Sougo and I were also confused when the robot girl suddenly called our cellphone. A moment later after she explained what had happened, I then understood why these two kids could not wait until morning."

 

"Tama found Gin-san's cellphone two hours ago, if that's what you want to ask," Shinpachi hastily butted into Kondou's explanation, looked very impatient. As if the mystery of Gin's disappearance would be soon resolved if Toshirou could understand this matter quickly. "Tama had tried to trace Gin-san's cellphone even a day after he disappeared. But she couldn't find anything since his cellphone wasn't active. So we split up to find the phone's last location before losing the signal. And it turned out—"

 

"Two hours ago Tama and Sadaharu found Gin-chan's cellphone. At the bottom of the river. The phone was dead," Kagura said, taking over the speech. "The cellphone had a weak signal when it was off and Tama was only able to detect it in close range, so thank God we have Sadaharu who brought us to that side of the river. After notifying us, Tama immediately scanned the cellphone. And Tosshi, the results showed that Gin-san went to see you, precisely in this room, the day before he disappeared! Can you explain something about that?"

 

At that point, Kagura grabbed both sides of Toshirou yukata's collar, ready to shake extra information out of him. And to be honest, Toshirou didn't know whether he could say what the Yorozuya leader was doing a week ago in this room. The white-haired man that they cared so much about, who had just saved the world, and had just told Toshirou that he--

 

Toshirou shook his head.

 

"He came here because - um - I was on my day off and going out for a drink. I met him on my way home, and because I was a little tipsy, he decided to walk me home while catching up," Toshirou hoped this explanation was more than enough for the two Yorozuya members who were watching him with glints in their eyes, like they expected Toshirou to give them a clue about their leaders' whereabouts.

 

“That’s all.”

 

Shinpachi looked a little disappointed. But the red-haired Yato girl didn't seem to want to give up yet, she let go of her grip on Toshirou's yukata and glared at the older man with both of her clear blue eyes.

 

"Did he say anything to you, Tosshi? Like a sign that he was going on a mission... or something?"

 

Toshirou tried hard not to show that one of his eyes was twitching.

 

"No. He didn't stay here long. He left after... After saying that he wanted to leave..."

 

To be honest, Toshirou wasn't spitting out any lies at this moment. He only hid the details of what happened. These kids didn't need them anyway.

 

Because it was impossible for him to tell any single soul about that incident. The thing that continued to haunt him like a sleepless ghost.

 

(He had to meet Gintoki once again, and this time, he needed to bid him a proper apology...)

  
  
  


\---

 

_ His smile gave a hint of a subtle pain. _

 

_ Spots of blood trickled behind every inch of the steps that the silver-haired samurai took to get away from him. Leaving a trail.  _

 

_ Gintoki didn't even turn his back to give him another single wishful glance. The tips of his fingers continued to drip deep red liquids as he was going further. _

 

_ But what could Toshirou say now? Should he prevent the man from leaving? Should he apologize? _

 

_ What Toshirou knew at that time, that at that moment, Gintoki was gone after leaving Toshirou with a deep hollow on his chest. _

 

_ That white figure disappeared. Together with the roar of guilt that would never go away _ .

  
  


\---

  
  
  


Kagura and Shinpachi were unable to find any meaningful clues from Toshirou's testimony until finally, the two Yorozuyas decided to continue their search for Gintoki after the dawn came. But this time, they weren't alone. They got help from the entire Shinsengumi army.

 

All members of the Gintoki search team were now concentrating their search points along the river where the silver-haired samurai's cellphone was found. Activities that would take a lot of time - because this river, which was spread wide across the country, was flowing into an estuary that was connected to the open sea miles away from the center of Edo.

 

Within a few hours, the rumor of Gin's disappearance began to reach the ears of many people. Toshirou half suspected that this scene of a government official (plus a robot and two youngsters with their giant dog) who were doing massive search along the river channeled throughout Edo (as well as conducting interviews with the residents) - would finally raise questions from the passing witnesses.

 

Three days later, Gintoki's search group had been enlivened by a group of ninjas, ex-rebels, the Yagyuu clan, boys and girls from various cabaret groups and women of Yoshiwara who heard about the disappearance of a man they all knew too well.

 

Their search area was now expanding, but they still couldn't find any slightest sign of Gintoki's existence. Despite being stuck in giant walls, no one gave up. The whole team continued their mission on finding the silver-haired samurai.

 

(Toshirou at that time realized how much Gintoki meant to these people. Gintoki played a major role in the victory of the war they went through and had risked his life for all of them. Gintoki who protected the entire population in Edo. Gintoki who was so loved...)

 

Until eventually, exactly fifteen days after Gintoki was gone without traces - safe from the damned phone he apparently dropped to the bottom of the river - they arrived at the estuary that streamed into the west coast of Edo.

 

And there, they found two parts of the wooden blade that were stuck on the white sand not far from the shoreline.

 

Gintoki's Bokuto, which was split into two, was left neglected. The rickety wooden blade that started to decay, left a million questions for all those who wanted nothing than seeing its owner alive and intact.

 

On that day everyone finally realized that what happened was probably a lot worse than they had expected.

 

Gintoki was somewhere out there, and he needed help.

  
  
  


\----

  
  
  


One and a half months after Gintoki's disappearance, Toshirou decided to temporarily move his work station to the corner of the Yorozuya office.

 

The missing case of the silver-haired samurai who had saved the whole universe in two last wars - also stole the attention of the Edo government which was now led by Soyo. Toshirou now had gained official permission to lead the search, although Kagura had loudly shrieked to his ear that she was the  _ actual _ commander, and Toshirou would only be there as her assistant and only doing what he had been told to.

 

Whatever it was, Toshirou was determined to put all his soul into finding Gintoki.

 

If he could be honest, the main reason why he was doing this was not only because of the guilt that gnawed at him when he was thinking about that damn slacker.

 

(Even though the incident that happened that night continued to haunt him in every nightmare. It was like God was making fun of him. It only burnt Toshirou's obsession with scraping any information related to the silver-haired samurai to the next level. This started to fuck him up.)

 

He had to admit that ... there was one side in him that now began to accept that Gintoki was  _ that _ important to him. This feeling was stronger than he had thought.

 

Toshirou would do anything just to be able to see that man with red eyes and silver hair once again...

 

(This reminded him of the thing he did a few years ago, when he decided to take a break from the Shinsengumi just to look for Gintoki. Although at that moment, he didn't need to worry much since the perm head left after saying goodbye.)

 

Oh how Toshirou would feel so much more at peace if Gintoki did something similar like that time. Because at least, the silver hair left with a clear motive (even though they just found out about it after the war ended). Gintoki didn't go missing leaving only a broken sword, a promise he failed to keep, and also ...

 

(A painful smile)

 

For this very reason, Toshirou was now sitting in the Yorozuya living room, trying to connect the clues on the stack of paper he had collected in the past month. The raven-haired man was examining a list of merchant ships anchored in the Edo west coast in the past four months when suddenly Kagura came to him and threw a shabby piece of paper that looked like a route map.

 

"I found this," Kagura chirped.

 

"What is this?" Toshirou raised an eyebrow, grazing his finger through this paper filled with scribbles and handwritings that looked a little familiar.

 

"Gin-chan used this map when he was looking for dragon holes connected to the Altana. He spent two years just walking around looking for Shouyou-sensei," Kagura explained, and the older man immediately understood what the Yato girl was trying to imply.

 

"You mean you will try to follow his steps with this map?"

 

Kagura nodded.

 

"Yes. I and Sadaharu will try to do exactly what Gin-chan did two years ago. Who knows if we can find any clue in one of these places," the girl's bright blue eyes showed a deep determination. Even so, it seemed that Kagura had not fully grasped the consequences that came with a mission. Toshirou sighed.

 

"This might take a very long time, are you serious?"

 

"I am serio-"

 

"- Let us be the one who does that mission, Kagura-chan," a firm and strong voice, suddenly cut off the girl Yato's words. Toshirou and Kagura simultaneously turned their eyes to the source of the voice.

 

Kyubei, Sarutobi, Tsukuyo, and Zenzou were standing there, on the entrance to Yorozuya's living room. Four of them looked determined like this was something they had decided before.

 

"You guys…"

 

"When Gintoki comes home, someone has to wait and greet him. Kagura, you better focus on your investigation along with this government's dog." Kyubei cleared her throat, there were two faint blushes on both of her cheeks. "-And again, this seems like the only thing we can do. I will take it as training to improve myself."

 

"Gin-san will be very happy when he sees me coming to save him!" Sarutobi shouted excitedly. "I will carry him home in bridal style and after that, I'm sure he's gonna propose me and-"

 

"Maybe it's time for me to have a little adventure and entrust my subordinates to look after Yoshiwara," Tsukuyo gave Kagura a thin smile and a murderous glare to Sarutobi who was hissing at her.

 

"I know some guards of the dragon holes. Maybe I can help," said Zenzou.

 

Toshirou watched as tears began to pool on the red-haired girl's face. Before she attacked the four guests with a big hug (or more like, a tackle) that made them all fall into a mess of limbs and hair.

 

How big of a sacrifice that these people were willing to take just for the sake of a certain man with silver hair. Toshirou could relate them. He was already thinking about the same thing…

  
  
  


_ Gintoki. _

 

_ Wherever you are now, I hope you are fine. _

 

_ Hopefully, I still have the opportunity to tell you what I feel. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


\------

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter is here! This idea has haunted me for so long, and after reading the last chapter of Gintama, I think this is the right moment for this to write this story. It will turn dark real soon, so please fasten your belt!


	3. So I left the sky, and I fell behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gintoki realized that he was fucked. Like this was one of the worst possible bad luck he could have ever experienced in his entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was set exactly after Gin was missing. So it was approximately a few months before the end of the second chapter. This chapter is in Gin's point of view, so we will learn what actually happened to him. 
> 
> Please enjoy!

 

 

 

_ "He's with me, your highness." _

 

_ "Yes, I’ve made sure that his cell phone won't record our last location." _

 

_ "Noted, at four o'clock. I will commence." _

  
  


His vision was blurry. He couldn't even see a speck of light. He felt his limp body swaying. 

 

Someone was carrying him in their arms. He didn't know where he was now, or the reasons why he was here in this current immobile state.

  
  


_ "Be careful with him. He doesn't want him wounded." _

  
  


Hey. Wait, wasn't that Ryoga's voice?

 

Where was Gintoki now? What happened to him?

 

These people - Who were they?

 

Gintoki was only aware of one thing: he had to escape. But his head was really heavy - until he didn't want to do anything but to close his eyes for good. His brain begged to shut down. His whole body was pulled down by gravity, he could only see some obscured flashes covered in gray shadows feasting behind his barely closed eyelids.

 

But Gintoki knew. He knew he couldn't allow himself to be completely swallowed up by this darkness. His conscience told him that he was in terribly great danger, and he had to save his own ass if he didn't want to meet a tragic death in these randos' hands.

  
  
  


_ Wake up, Gintoki. _

 

_ Gintoki, you had to escape. _

 

_ Get up! GET UP! _

  
  
  


He felt his body was handed from the strong thin hands that had previously carried him, to the shoulders of someone with bulkier posture. This was his only chance. Even though his eyes were all fogged up at this moment, no way in fucking hell Gintoki would allow himself to be treated and carried away like a sack of potatoes.

 

He had to run away.

 

With all the remaining strength he had, Gintoki woke up and in a flash he athletically twisted his body, strangling the burly man with his left biceps. He immediately heard shouting, as well as the sounds of metal clang. The tall, muscular man tried to fight and freed himself - but Gintoki swiftly drew his legs around the man's neck and sent his body to the ground, he knew he did a great job as he heard a cracking noise of broken bone.

 

The silver-haired samurai stood up. Forcing his half-paralyzed body to get up, ready to fight. He knew this would be like bringing a knife to a gunfight, but he didn't care. He was hugely relieved to find his wooden sword still tucked safely in his yukata. Thank God, they - or whoever these people were - didn't take his Bokuto away from him.

 

Even in this world full of gauzy and translucent black clouds, the silver head could still tell that there were approximately five shadows standing on his way. No. At least twenty people were about to besiege him. He didn't have any clue what they freaking wanted from him - there was one thing he could frantically muster:

 

He had to escape.

 

"Sakata-san--"

 

That voice. That was Ryoga's voice.

 

Gintoki decided not to waste any other seconds lamenting what his ex-drinking partner had done to him - or who he actually was. The people who surrounded him now - they were dangerous - the aura they emitted didn't help Gintoki to feel the slightest bit at ease.

 

"Ryoga-sama-"

 

"Catch him, but don't hurt him too much."

 

Instantly - the people circling around the silver-haired samurai moved to attack him. Gintoki fought back - trying to hold on to the last remnants of consciousness he was desperately trying to keep. His eyes couldn't even figure out where the hell he was now. He could only sense that the sky was still very dark - the cold that pierced his skin indicated that dawn most likely had not yet broken. He kept on fighting.

 

When his Bokuto could finally slash some people out his way, he eventually saw it - there was a little ray of light, a way for him to escape. His debilitated legs didn't seem to cooperate with him but Gintoki managed to bring himself to run. He needed to. Like it was the last thing he could do to save himself. 

 

"Don't let Shiroyasha escape!"

 

He kept running. He heard the pattering steps of the mob trying to catch up. Gintoki didn't look back. He knew they were getting awfully closer.

 

He felt darkness started to dominate his vision again. He really would lose his consciousness at this point if this continued. These randos would immediately catch him if that happened. They would take him away and it might be the last of him to see the day.

 

At that time, he hoped that there would be someone who magically showed up to help him. He desperately needed it. He didn't care if it would make him look like a damsel in distress. To the hell with all the stupid dignity he always tried to keep.

 

Anyone would do. Only for this time. He was running out of time.

 

_ Kagura. _

 

_ Shinpachi. _

 

_ Sadaharu. _

 

_ Or maybe… _

 

_ Toshirou... _

  
  


The pace of his steps gradually weakened. Gintoki would soon lose the little consciousness he hung on to.

 

A few minutes later his feet galloped against a series of echoing woods. It didn't take long for Gintoki to realize that he was standing on a wooden bridge.

 

He could vaguely recall that he was once trapped in a similar condition a long time ago. The time when he was under the influence of drugs that almost knocked him out, fled from the enemies who tried to murder him, even though he barely had any consciousness left in him.

 

At that time, he decided to jump off the bridge and plunged into the water to save himself.

 

That was the reason why at this very moment, he decided to just do the same thing.

 

He faintly heard the footsteps of the people who were chasing after him - just before he climbed the bridge fence and jumped off.

 

The sound of splashing water marked the moment when he was greeted by ice-cold water that embraced him away from a felonious death; succumbed into a more peaceful, quiet one instead. 

 

Gintoki realized that he had committed a fatal miscalculation.

 

This time, the drug that enveloped his system was far stronger than what he had back then. At this moment he didn't even have the energy to hold his breath, and he was sinking. He was suffocated by the dark water as his hands and feet were no longer able to move. 

 

As he gradually felt his breath being taken away from him, he was thinking about the dearest faces that he suddenly missed very much. They would be really mad because Gintoki had promised that he wouldn't go anywhere anymore. 

 

Gintoki broke his promises again.

 

_ Kagura. Ah, tomorrow was her birthday. Surely the girl would go berserk. She would lose the chance to get five fancy sukonbu packages on her special day.  _

 

_ Shinpachi. The boy already warned the perm head about his unhealthy alcohol intake. He regretted not following his protege's advice and now it came to bite him back in the butt. _

 

_ Toshirou. Would he feel relieved then? Gintoki didn't even know that Toshirou hated him that much before the event this evening unfolded. This might be the best for that bastard... _

 

Maybe he would die here. What a ridiculous death, but honestly it might suit him the best. At least the people closest to him didn't have to see his face when he was losing that little flicker of life as he sank in.

 

His red eyes dimmed. He only thought that the moon lanterns that bounced off the river didn't look bad. The last sight he could peacefully admire when everything else was now starting to be covered in limpid pool of black nets.

 

Before his eyes were completely closed, the silver-haired samurai faintly saw a silhouette of a figure swimming in his direction. The soft light behind him formed a cerulean ricochet - and it strangely looked beautiful.

 

He could hear the figure called his name in a gentle voice, before the darkness enveloped him again.

  
  
  
  


\-----------

  
  
  
  
  


When Gintoki opened his eyes, he half suspected that he was in hell.

 

(The place where he and Takasugi promised to reunite)

 

Gintoki sat up, observing the place he was now. He didn't know that hell looked so fucking clean.

 

The silver-haired man was in a large room dominated by the color white. Everything in it was really clean and bright. He himself was sitting on an incredibly soft mattress with a silky white bed sheet that dangled long and covered a third of the room. He could spot two white doors connected to this room - one was far at the other end of the room - the other one was located right at the end of the bedsheet.

 

When Gintoki turned his back to look behind, he was surprised to find a wall which - instead of being an  _ ordinary _ wall - was designed to be a giant aquarium containing dozens of marine species that Gintoki had never seen for the whole of his life. The scenery was quite breathtaking. As if he suddenly had a giant aquarium in the city's water park as his private bedroom. Truly every little sap's biggest dream.

 

Okay. He would really appreciate the extraordinary design of this room it wasn't for two sets of handcuffs and shackles that were each connected to both his hands and feet. And, Gintoki also just noticed, someone had changed his clothes. He was now wearing a white shirt that was a little bit oversized for him - even though he wouldn't consider himself as a small dude. The long sleeves fell over the handcuffs and covered the back of Gintoki's hands, the collar of the shirt slipped down on his shoulder when he tried to move - Gintoki was annoyed with the fact that his shoulders and neck were now fully exposed - and the shirt ended in the middle of his thighs. They also didn't give him pants, so Gintoki could feel the cold air now tickling the skin of his legs.

 

There was only one thing that he could tell now: This place wasn't hell.

 

He didn't have any idea what the purpose of the guys who decided to trap him inside this fancy room. Gintoki inspected every corner of the place, and he wasn't able to find any kind of opening even for a vent. Also, despite being tied to a chain that was long enough for Gintoki to move freely to explore the room - he realized that he still couldn't reach the door at the far end of the room, which he believed might be the only access that connected him to the outside world. The other door turned out to only lead him to a large bathroom - which was,  _ again _ , adorned by white colors with an excessively fancy-looking toilet and huge jacuzzi at the center of it.

 

Gintoki snorted. Whoever locked him up here, they had enough wealth to afford this unnecessary luxurious design. Although the white that dominated it looked a bit too much. As if they wanted Gintoki to blend in with the white color of this room.

 

The silver-haired man was observing aquatic creatures that swam freely in the aquarium - that strangely all had white albino scales and bright red eyes - when he heard the sound of a door cracking open.

 

Gintoki immediately turned around, and he saw a man he didn't recognize at the end of the door - followed by a familiar figure, Ryoga, who was trailing behind.

 

"As expected, this room looks perfect for him. Don't you agree, Ryoga?"

 

"You're correct, Byou-sama."

 

Byou?

 

Who was that?

 

Gintoki stared at the man called Byou, observing him from head to toe. He was very tall, maybe around seven inches taller than Ryoga (the young man was about the same height as Gintoki). The man had a short, chestnut-colored raven hair. He wore a glinting stud in one of his ears.

 

Also, Gintoki had to admit that the guy was exceptionally attractive, okay maybe he was only one or two levels above Gintoki's, but this time the perm head had to accept his defeat. His thin lips, high cheekbones, and those thick brows might be the reasons why. Gintoki needed to step up his game, dammit. 

 

A moment later, the silver head realized that the man was looking straight back at him. Within this distance that separated them from each other, Gintoki couldn't clearly figure out what kind of expression reflected in those dark eyes of the taller man's. But somehow, they reminded him of someone in his past...

 

"Welcome to your new home, Shiroyasha - or maybe - Gintoki."

 

The voice of the man was deep and rich, his silky voice brought Gintoki to reality as he realized what kind of situation he might be in. The silver-haired samurai instantly opened his mouth, he was prepared to launch a million words and questions lodged in his brain; before he realized that there wasn't a single sound escaping his throat even though he really  _ did _ try to talk.

 

Surprised, he tried to bring out his voice again, but he could only let out a soft grunting sound from between his lips. 

 

_ What the hell _ , Gintoki cursed internally. Did they give him some kind of strange drug to prevent him from talking?

 

Gintoki grumpily condemned his own fate. These guys who kidnapped him couldn't be taken lightly if they  _ even  _ knew how to stop Gintoki from spitting out any random nonsense that always put his enemies on the edge. What a smart move.

 

"Ah. Sorry about that. I really do want to hear your beautiful voice, but I think it will be much more efficient if your mouth is locked for the time being," The man smiled and tilted his head while watching Gintoki. 

 

“Anyway, you can call me Byou. You don’t have to introduce yourself though, I already knew all the things about you. Convenient, isn’t it?”

 

He took a step closer towards the silver-haired samurai. Gintoki only stared at him in awe, dumbfounded.

 

Ryoga just kept still in where he stood. The gaze he set on both of them was still the expressionless one. Gintoki wondered what young man might be thinking now that he successfully trapped the silver head in this mess after a few weeks of dealing with his drunken rambling.

 

(So for the past two weeks, this was his real intention? Was this also the reason why he apologized at that time?)

 

"I know," Byou drawled softly. "You might be wondering why we brought you here, where this place actually is, and what will we, no,  _ I _ do to you."

 

The silver head could sense that this man,  _ Byou _ , was not like his everyday villain. He was  _ something _ that Gintoki had to be very careful of. He couldn't remember if he had met this man before. But...

 

Byou's distance to Gintoki was now less than two feet. He still put on his shortsighted smile, watching the shorter man in front of him with a profound look, like Gintoki was the prized possession he'd been wanting to have for a very long time.

 

Gintoki wondered if he had enough chance to run away if he was really determined to put up a fight with the man before him. He was completely unable to measure the level of strength this mysterious man had (and also Ryoga's who was standing motionless there). There was something truly disturbing with how these people treated him. He also found it weird that he couldn’t suspect anything from Ryoga for the first time he met him - as if he could arbitrarily set the aura he radiated, letting his enemies sink into confusion ...

 

But Gintoki wasn’t Gintoki if he had to give up without putting up any kind of resistance.

 

Gintoki's hands tightened. He set a sharp gaze to the taller man approaching him; challenging him to come any closer.

 

As if realizing what Gintoki was thinking, Byou immediately stopped his steps. He again put on his slanted smile.

 

"Apparently, before we jump into the fun part, there is some stuff that I need to tell you, Gintoki."

 

Gintoki almost jumped when he felt a howl of breath blowing in his ear. When he blinked his eyes, Byou was no longer in front of him.

 

He was behind Gintoki. One of his hands was gently patting the top of the silver hair's head, while the other caught Gintoki's right wrist in a tight grip.

 

(Gintoki was right. The air of this man reminded him of Utsuro...)

 

Gintoki was just about to give resistance when suddenly - he felt like something jolted in his head. Like it tried to trespass into his brain and mind. As if someone forced their way in, asking the silver-haired man to grant them access.

 

Gintoki bared his teeth, biting his lower lip to maintain the little control he had. Noticing this, the taller man then whispering in his ear.

 

"First, you can't escape anywhere, Gintoki. This place is thousands of light-years away from the planet you came from. Here, I am the law. It'll be useless even if you ask all the people you meet outside."

 

Gintoki widened his eyes. So now he was on another planet?!

 

These people... were they Amanto?

 

When Gintoki was busy with his thoughts, the hand that had previously stayed on the top of his head was slowly moving down to touch the silver head's temple.

 

"Secondly, I don't really need shackles and this room to lock you in. Only put them on you as extra precautions. I have one captive that will make you reconsider every bit of your action, keeping you here like a good boy..."

 

Gintoki felt blood trickling down the tip of his chin - he bit his lower lip too hard.

 

A captive?

 

Was he not the only one here? They didn’t possibly capture one his relatives, did they?

 

"No, Gintoki. It'll be too much of a hassle to arrest someone who knows you, don’t you think so?" Said Byou again, like he could read Gintoki as an open book. "The one I’m holding captive is something more abstract - and may be very important to you. Even though if I can be honest, at the end of the day you might have to say goodbye to them. I won’t keep them long since it’ll only bring me trouble."

 

Gintoki wanted nothing but to break the hand that encircled his wrist and fought its owner - but the second he thought of that, the grip was becoming tighter it started to hurt him. No, not only that, the fingers of the man behind him who was touching his temples seemed to emit a strange sting that infiltrated his brain...

 

Who was this guy?

 

Who did he mean by the prisoner?

 

Gintoki heard the man chuckling.

 

"Your memory, Gintoki," replied Byou again, and at that time, Gintoki was sure - that the mysterious man was capable of reading all his thoughts.

 

“The captive is your memory, all of it," Byou lowered his head, kissing Gintoki's silver hair which -  _ oh _ , he always  _ desired _ .

 

"At the end of this, you will forget about everything. Everything except me. At that moment, you, Sakata Gintoki, the Shiroyasha..."

 

Gintoki realized that he was fucked. Like this was one of the worst possible bad luck he could have ever experienced in his entire life.

 

"...will be entirely mine."

\--------------


	4. Byou and Ryoga

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sketches I drew as Byou and Ryoga concept art. Not chapter update, sorry!

So these are very quick sketches of two original characters that I will use in this fanfic. I actually drew them as a way to cope with my art-block.

 

Byou. He has chestnut-colored hair and silver eyes, he looks like a guy in his early 30s, but he's actually lot older than that.

 

Ryoga. He has dark brown eyes and black hair. I really like drawing guy in this hairstyle.

 

 

Hope you will love them! <3

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really excited to write this story! After a year long writer-(and art)block, I finally raised from the dead to bring a brand new fanfic, right after Gintama ended. (and I'm still crying over the last chapter) I really hope I could also write the continuation of my other story (Departure) while trying to finish this one! Anyway, this one is unbeta-ed. So please forgive me for any mistakes that might occur since English is not my first language. ^^;
> 
> Really hope you guys would enjoy it!


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